Being the Oldest in a Mexican Family and the Pressure to have Kids

Being the oldest in a Mexican family comes with certain expectations—and I’m not just talking about helping around the house or babysitting my siblings. I was expected to get married and have kids. I don’t know if my parents were disappointed that my sister, who is seven years younger than me, became a mom before I did, but it definitely wasn’t what they were expecting.

My husband and I got married when we were 32 and 28, and immediately people in my family started asking, “So when are you having kids?” For years they got the same answer: “Maybe next year.” Then three years into our marriage, my sister got married and pregnant with her first child, and that certainly didn’t take any pressure off me. Instead of “When are you having kids?” I was now getting comments like:

“I can’t believe your sister beat you to it.”
“Do you think you’ll have your first before she has her second baby?”
Plus the random classics: “You’re not getting any younger.” and “If you want more than one, you shouldn’t wait too much longer.”

You’d think that after getting pregnant and having Isaac the questions and comments would stop (he was born just months before my sister’s second baby, by the way). But no, you’d be wrong. Not too long after Isaac was born, we were visiting my parents when my mom casually asked when he’d be getting a little brother or sister… while also saying she was getting too old to chase babies around. I looked at her like, “Are you joking?” and she replied, “By now you should’ve given me three grandkids, and you’ve only given me one.”

My parents married young. I was born just weeks before my mom’s 19th birthday, and my youngest sibling was born 18 years later. Most of my parents’ siblings have multiple children, and both of my grandparents had seven kids each. So to them, large families are the norm.

But things are so different now. Bills are going up, groceries are more expensive, childcare costs are out of control (something my mom doesn’t really understand since she was a stay-at-home mom 95% of the time). On top of that, women are waiting longer to have kids, and more women are building careers than ever before.

And while I would LOVE to have another baby—and the thought of Isaac having a little brother or sister makes me smile—we also have to be realistic. Not only do my husband and I both work, but I’m also in school getting my Master’s in Accounting. I want to be a licensed CPA and eventually own my own practice. And for my husband, the idea of another child brings up memories of my c-section: the uncertainty, not knowing what was happening, and the total loss of control he felt. That fear is very real for him.

We also dream of traveling as a family. We’d love to take Isaac to Mexico to meet my relatives, to Ireland and Italy, and my dream trip—to Seoul, South Korea. We want him to experience different countries, cultures, languages, and religions. And honestly, by having only one child, we feel we can give him our undivided attention, love, and opportunities.

At the end of the day, my parents want more grandkids because they love being grandparents—and I get that. But in today’s world, the decision to have more kids isn’t that simple.